Small Girl, Big America Part 2; Of Friends

I'm going to try to be as honest as possible.  Part one of my article , Small Girl, Big America, created some fear in some of my readers, and I am sorry about that. Please note that those were my fears on my second day in America, not a reflection of what I feel right now. I am pretty sure you remember how big and scary it was for you on your second day in high school.  It felt the same, but then it felt better after a while, right? 

Anyways, just know so far, I haven't seen a gun, a serial killer or a racist police officer . When I do, I will let you know 😉

Sunday 6th October.

My birthday was a few days ago. I turned the age that aunties start asking for you to bring them a son and uncles start talking to you in parables; lots of parables involving cows and boots. And my grandma has started talking to me about birthing hips and what to wear around their "husband."

For the first time in my life, I had no plan for my birthday. Last year, it was my first day on the job at Saracen OMD; however, Charm and I made plans for the night. He baked me the first cake in our relationship and then we had dinner. 2022, I had plans with Cupcake, but then we had one of those friendship fights that changed the trajectory of a friendship for the better but left a mark of, "We should never ever fight like that again." We canceled our date, but then we had a do-over the next day with Pinney, the day after with Charm, and the week after with Cupcake after a lot of asking each other for forgiveness.

2021 is the year that would be summed up as "we don't talk about Bruno🙈." 2020 was a significant milestone in my life, so my parents threw a party for me at West Side Hotel. All my friends and family were in the room; it was wholesome.  I did a dumb thing, eating cookies out of my BFF's handbag, and let me tell you, I saw stars while they were praying for me. I remember my niece, who was three years old at the time, came to tell me that my friend was sleeping on the bathroom floor, and then it hit me why I was feeling so whacky doodle!😂😂 I had eaten what was not meant for me!  As per birthday tradition, I was supposed to be "washed" with buckets of water splashed at me; however,  we were at a hotel and couldn't do that. Tell me why, tell me why, while we were walking by the pool, someone pushed me into the water! I was in heels and a dress, and my brain was like the characters of Entergalactic. Since I am still alive, we must agree I am a good swimmer, right?

This year, though, I was in a foreign land. Making friends has been the hardest thing for me. It wasn't like my Kenyan campus, where I had 8 friends as of the first day. Here, the culture is different; I am uncertain when I talk, and I am unsure if my sarcasm is funny or offensive.  One of my friends from Sierra Leone laughed at my joke and then told me, "Gurl, you gotta tone down your African; you will step on people's toes."  What do you have when you don't have sarcasm and culturally appropriate jokes?

I must have told all my friends in my first week of school that I was struggling to fit in. I don't know what to say, how to say it, or when to say it. I also added how I feel like I am not connecting with people enough to call them my friends. They all thought I was crazy, mainly because they could not comprehend me being quiet and not having friends, but one thing is for sure: it's been hard making friends. So, I assumed it was going to be my first birthday alone. It was a scary thought.  I know what my imaginary therapist will say when she reads this, "what does that show about you?"

But lemme tell you, Maina, I have learned to be comfortable alone. I am proud of that.

However, F and D came over with avocado sandwiches for breakfast. We ate, cleaned the house, watched white chick, and talked about boys. Man, I am so glad I am siko soko ( not in the business of looking for a boyfriend) ". Because tell me why we were googling for one of the  girls "how to pick up a white boy."

I met E during my class, and she showed me the USA version of Mpesa and launched it for me. Later that day, I went for dinner with N, dressed up like a girl who'd made it in life. I remember singing, "It's my birthday, it's my birthday, I am gonna spend her money" instead of the original lyrics. After Dinner, my friends, A and P, brought over Palak Paneer, and let me tell you, that is the best Indian food I have ever eaten in my life. Na kabla useme inakaa msheveve na wewe unataka sarat, think twice.

Another surprising thing, when they wished me happy birthday, they used the words God and Jesus! It caught me by surprise having friends who practice another religion but still acknowledge mine. Gave me reasons to be intentional about learning their religion, even if it's just to remember wishing them a happy holiday.

Talking of religious community. I found a church three weeks ago; PM took me there. It is a Kenyan church.  Today during service, they sang Happy birthday for me and prayed for me. I thought that was it, but after church, they also had a cake for me. You know, in all my birthday festivities, I had not tasted cake! The fact that they remembered that and actually celebrated made me feel at home, after all, it is the same thing that would have happened T happened in my home church back in Kenya.

Making friends has been hard for the past month! The loneliness has been overwhelming and the longing of home nothing short of brutal. Imagine discovering a hidden gem and no one to share it with, cooking a chef's special meal only to seat alone at the table or going to a football game and no one to hate watch with. But like all good things that take time, I have started building a community. A community that I get to pick and create at my own pace. I am so grateful for that. In the infinite wisdom of Cupcake, you don't need a battalion; you just need one or two people who believe in you. Sometimes, a village is just one soul whose fire burns so brightly it lights your path.

 By Favor Khaoya