Today, I laughed with my Uber driver!

Today, I laughed with my Uber driver! Do you know how surprising that is? Laughing with an Uber driver, a fully-fledged laugh! Not one of those laughs you have to be polite! No -not those ones! A hearty laughter! The kind that starts in your stomach, through your chest, and then to your mouth! Then it ends with a smile as wide as the river Congo and maybe, just maybe, a twitch in the eye!

I had that today!

For you to understand how significant a milestone this is, I have to take you back to my home country! My home county and my hometown. As a matter of fact, let me take you on a particular Saturday morning.

Pinney had come to visit me that week abruptly. She told me she had come but didn't want me to alter my week in any way to accommodate her (her way of saying, I want to be alone in your place). When you have friends for as long as we have been, sometimes you know being a safe space is giving space literally!

I did that faithfully! I went to work, came back in the evening, we ate and watched a movie and slept! The cycle continued for the whole week. By Friday night, I figured she'd have enough space, no? So, I played the "you need to touch grass card," before she could say no, I added that we'd do retail shopping. Who says no to that? Little did she know what I had in store for her! On Saturday morning, I told her we had a little work thing to do on the other side of town before we had the day to ourselves. She grudgingly accepted.

     We went to town and took a Zuri bus to the next stage we were going. We sat next to the driver, and he started talking as soon as we were seated! For the 15 minutes we were there, we'd known all about his work schedule, marital status, type of women, what he wanted in the future, and what he thought about the weather. Soon, his colleague came to our side of the window and said we shouldn't give the driver all attention; one of us should focus on him because he is also single – (let it be known neither of us is/was single at that point.) we giggled and before we responded, the driver was told the bus was fully packed, and we could depart from the station.

He was so eager to reply to his colleague's words while driving that he did not see a super metro bus coming from behind. In between the talking, giggling, and looking around, we heard a loud bang! And immediately after, pieces of glass were swinging all over the place.

We were terrified! I think mortified would be a better word! Because we just sat there, numb! Everyone else alighted from the car and boarded the next one, but we were just there! Worried for the driver! Was this our fault? Will he be unable to help his mum raise money for fertilizer because of us?

When we came, we were told to sit on the next bus! We were quiet and somber the rest of the way. The new driver misdirected us, and hence we alighted sooner than we had to. At this point, we decided to order an Uber. After all, it was the original plan; we deflected coz we had plenty of time to kill.

I know that's the story you were waiting for 😂😂

So, the guy was called Alex. He has a pink Toyota Passo. When we ordered the cab, it said it was a minute away. However, it wasn't moving! Five minutes later, I called, and he asked where are you? I told him. He said he was coming. Tell me why! His cab was literally 20 steps from where we were, and he did not move the entire time! He then told us to make sure we don't make the car dirty with our shoes; he is from the car wash!

Help me here, guys! Will someone who doesn't want you to make the car dirty let you into a car that doesn't have foot mats or whatever they are called? Better still, is that not the reason why some Uber guys have newspapers on the car floor?

Alex guy said the directions we gave him were a long route, and he knows a shorter route! Based on the fact that we were late, I let him call the shots. Only for us to get lost! It took us another 14 minutes to get back on the right track! We were going to a children's home in a slum part of Nairobi. After another 18 minutes of driving around, Alex audaciously told us, "I will leave you here because it will be easier for you to find where you are going from here on foot than with the car." He then switched off the engine! No room for discussion.

We tried reasoning with him, but he became rude. I was too late and too tired to deal with his drama. So I alighted, and Pinney followed. While walking away, he called us back, and since Pinney had the patience, she went back. He then told her we were to add money because the trip took longer than expected. I almost, JUST ALMOST, lost my cool! This man who was rude to us ignored maps and used his own directions, dropped us off earlier than our destination, and wanted more money !! I was furious!

We didn't pay the money! We don't work in a reward factory for bad workmanship! Dear beloved Alex again, audaciously, reported us; well, me since it was my account, and I had a chat with one of the customer care agents to sort the issue out. I have never given anyone a bad review, but Alex with the pink Passo deserved a -1000 rating!

Fast forward to today! My first Uber Ride in the USA. His name was Brandon. His car was a white carina, I believe. Its interior smelled like freshly plucked lavenders. He arrived on time and said hello. I would say that we are off to a good start. The beginning of the ride was quiet and blissful. I remembered that meme.

            "Me: orders cab"

The driver keeps quiet the entire ride.

Me: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I giggled and then turned to the driver and said , "is it an American thing to be this quiet during a ride?"

"me no speak English" he said in almost broken English.

 Pardon my surprise (and probably tropical ignorance), but I was surprised. I never expected to meet a white man who doesn't speak the white man's language! It's like a fish who doesn't know how to swim. It made sense when he told me he was Spanish. For a hot minute, I remembered all the conversations I had heard about colonizing Africa and making us forget our language to speak the white man. Didn't it reach Mexico? Or were they only colonizing Africans? I will continue this rant in my future article on deconstructing language when I am furious enough! Right now, I am still excited. But I have a genuine concern: if Tanzania, as polite as it is as a country, could influence Rwanda to speak Swahili, how could America not? Or is it a case of a prophet is not respected in their own neighbourhood.

The rest of the ride was calm, with small talk here and there. Until we reached where the map said we were supposed to be. This wasn't the same as the place we were going. Back in Kenya, a cab driver would have left me there alone to figure it out. Case in point, Alex with the pink Toyota Passo. But Brandon did 4 laps with me, and we even asked someone for directions. The rumours are true; people in the US don't know a lot about their neighbourhoods. Nine minutes later, we had reached where we were going, and he said, "Look, ma'am! We did it! We got here!" he said with such a childish excitement and laugh that was infectious 😂😂.

"You do know your job was to get me here, right?"

"Yes, I do! And I did a good job, right? Don't count the getting lost." He then burst out laughing.

You could see it in his eyes. He really seemed happy and satisfied that he had gotten me where I was going. I couldn't help but join him in his laughter all along, wondering, how is someone this passionate about a successful drop-off?

By Favor Khaoya