IF ONLY I KNEW........

IF ONLY I KNEW

End-semester parties are among the few things my friends looked forward to in school. I honestly can't place why; I mean all the noise and bumping into each other! Do not get me started on the disgusting state of the bathrooms, smoke, and chaos. I stood there sheepishly looking through the window, wondering what everyone was laughing about while waiting for Diana, my best friend, to arrive. Boy! Is she terrible with time! One day, I had to wait for her for a whole hour just because she couldn't figure out what to wear to her birthday party. Excuse me! You had a whole year to plan for this, yet somehow you don't know what to wear? WOMEN! AM I RIGHT! 

I kept pacing to hide my tension and looking at my watch as though it would make her arrive any earlier. 

"Hey", I heard Diana's voice from behind me 

“Hi, took you long enough.”

“How long have you been waiting alone in the corridor?”

“I wasn’t going to go inside without you. I don’t know anyone in there.”

"That's precisely why you should have. How do you suppose you will get to make friends? Cast a spell or something?

“Yeap, it worked with you.”

“You wish.”

"You need to let loose young lady; come on," she said while dragging me inside with her.

*******************************************************************************************

Did I mention that crowds, especially one of strangers, get me particularly antsy?  Well, ladies and gentlemen, crowds get me wishing I could do an invisibility spell or maybe turn into Antman and observe everything without being noticed; being blown away will be a small price. However, here I was, in a room full of strangers talking at the top of their voices, music blasting, booze spilling all over the place, couples making out in every corner, and my best friend, who was the life of the party, saying hi to everyone she met. How does she know this many people? Damn! I do not belong here. Oh wait, that table over there, I could survive there.

“Hey, let me go check what is happening over there. “I told Diana while letting go of her hand.

“There, where Alisha is?” She asked

“Yes”

“Are you sure”

“Yes! Why not?”

“Uuuuuhlaaaaahlaaaaahh! Go get your freak on, girl."

“That’s not the agenda.” 

“Then why are you getting all flushed? The agenda must agend!"

"SHUT UP," I said while walking away giggling.

"Have fun. Don't blow it." 

"I won't unless I am blowing her."

“Uuuuhh,,,,,,, what happened to not getting your freak on?”

"Being open to possibilities, love. BEING OPEN TO FREAKING POSSIBILITIES." I yelled as I moonwalked away, while making faces at her.

**********************************************************************************************

I bumped into someone and couldn't help but think, "Fuck, this is why I hate coming to these places." I composed myself and turned around with a wide smile and apologetic face, ready to correct my wrong. But then she looked at me, her gaze penetrating, almost paralyzing. I couldn’t help but drown in her dull and dirty brown eyes. I once heard her wish they were different while talking to her friends, and at this point, it pained me to realize she would never see them the way I was seeing them at that moment. Her eyes hinted at a story I would willingly read right through; they held specks of stolen sunlight that you'd miss with just one glance and a depth of raw emotion that could freeze you in a trance. She held an unwavering gaze that I found it hard to meet her eyes anymore.

“I am sorry,” I muttered under my breath.

"It is okay; it happens to the best of us." She said as she stepped closer to me, and my entire body warmed. She was about 5’4 tall and smelled like a combination of coffee and wet soil when it started raining. Something about the rawness in her smile made me feel at ease.

“Hi,” She said 

“Hi,” I breathed out. Like, no diaphragm work, just air. She must have noticed my reaction because she chuckled before pushing her hand through her damp top. I was staring, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, I couldn’t pull my eyes away. It felt like Athena had stepped in front of me and was standing in all her god-like glory. Her teeth were divine, and her lips….

I brought my gaze up to meet her’s, and the edge of her eyes crinkled as she smiled,

“Would you like to help me clean up this mess you have made on my top?”

“yes, ma'am, after you," I said as I motioned her to lead the way to the bathroom.

****************************************************************************************************

Remember I said bathrooms at parties can be disgusting, and I do everything to avoid them? Well, Ladies and gentlemen, here I was, confidently walking in to one without even a second thought. I guess meatloaf was right,” I would do anything for love”. HOLD UP!! Did I just say, love? My mind is mush right now, and I am on my fortieth cinderella castle. She locked the door behind us ,opened the tap behind her, and the sound of running water snapped me out of my trance.

She pulled a handkerchief out of her purse, dipped it in water, and handed it over to me. I tried not to notice how perky and round her boobs were as I wiped the spill out of them. Butterflies erupted in my stomach when I noticed her tilt backward, making them face me head-on. I wondered if she’d purposely done that. If so, I should……………………. she turned again and started unbuttoning. 

"Did you tell me your name?" She casually asked. God! Did she not know she was messing with my brain at this moment? I mean, woman! What the fuck are you doing?

“What did you ask?”

“Did you tell me your name? “

I shook my head. My tongue felt twisted in my mouth

Her smile widened. “Do you want to?”

OF COURSE, I DID. I'd give her my birthday, my social security number, my address, and even the combination of the safe I've had since I was a kid. Anything to keep her around. It had been so long since I had a crush on anyone, much less one who looked at me the way Aisha was. 

“Grace,” I finally managed to answer in a weak wheeze when my senses returned, and I could focus.

“Grace.”

I shivered at the way she said it. It was like she enjoyed the taste of it on her tongue. My gaze drifted to her mouth, and suddenly, I wondered what it might feel like to press my lips to hers.

“I am A..”

“Aisha, I know. I have seen you around.”

“I see my reputation precedes me.”

“Easy when you are such a work of art.”

“You think so?”

“I see so.”

I swear on my future grave, she blushed, giving me more joy than buying new shoes had ever given me. She folded the wet top nicely, put it in her purse, took a fitting white t-shirt, and wore it.

"Never go to a party without extra cloth. In case you get a spill or to avoid the walk of shame next morning. "She said while opening the door, and we walked back to the table where she was sitting before all this. She motioned me to sit next to her. Who was I to say no to her?

That was a, really, really, rrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyyyy bad idea! Let me try to explain this in a way you would understand. Have you ever sat next to your crush when everything they are wearing and saying gets you all jittery? Well, ladies and gentlemen; that was my predicament. The white t-shirt did nothing but expose the white bra pattern beneath, and my brain did the rest. I mean, had I not fed my eyes the greatness a few minutes ago? Her freshness made me wish I could be smelling it straight out of her skin.

“Okay, it is your turn Aisha; pick a tile." That jerked me out of my fantasy

“Dare”

"I dare you to make out with that bottle," someone in the group told her.

She got up, took the bottle close to her mouth, whispered something to it,tilted it sideways, and started kissing it while caressing it so tenderly. She even put her legs on top of a stool. All along, she was looking at me. "Okay, Aisha, what is your game plan here? Is this intentional, or is it all a huge coincidence?" My brain was still all over the place when I was called. Damnit! It was my turn.

"The tile says truth," I said 

“Go on, "Someone said.

"Okay, I am not sure if this counts, but; I wished you had dared her to kiss me instead of the bottle. Aisha, I like you, and I want you. Now we can do this the easy way where you tell me how you feel or the hard way, which I haven't figured out yet.”

Yeap! I had freaking said it. Wait, where did I get the courage to say this? I have had a crush on this girl for the past year, and I couldn't tell her, and here I am saying it in front of people I barely knew. Scratch that; why did I say that when she probably never knew I existed until today? I mean, she asked my name today, right? She doesn’t know me. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

I suddenly felt warm cherry lips on me. OMG! Aisha was freaking kissing me! Ladies and gentlemen, I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!!! But boy did I get into it. Her lips tasted like everything I dreamt they would and her touch! Goddamnit! How do you explain feeling electric waves all over your body and still a calming sensation of the open seas?

"Get a room, guys!" Someone yelled while throwing a plastic cup at us, and we broke it off. I looked at her, and she whispered into my ears," I know you are not Grace. You are Sandra. Diana’s best friend and Tim’s little sister. You love your coffee neat and your food hot. You love writing but dread it because you are a perfectionist. You pretend to be sick every time Diana suggests you come hang out with us but somehow come. You check me out all those times. What you don't know is I was checking you out too." She said and winked while walking away, swaying her hips provocatively.

For the first time in a long time, I felt speechless, utterly dumbfounded. She knew! All along, SHE KNEW!! if only I knew the past year would……..

By Khaoya Favor