I Quite Miss Home

 

So, it's 12.07 am. If our world was still the same as 3 months ago, you would be dragging me to bed right about now. I would complain how much you are a sleepy head, and you'd remind me I would love the head ad get if we went to bed. I would get excited and run to bed. Only to realize I did not refill the water bottle in the morning, you'd go get some just because you know I can't sleep dehydrated. By the time you'd be back, I’d be all covered up and you'd tickle me and I would laugh, laugh so hard that the upstairs neighbor would give me funny looks in the morning.  Btw that one time I went to get the orange hair dye she asked me "huyo mtu wako mpole ni mfunny?"

It's 12:22 am. I would be lying on your arms. Looking at the ceiling board panting like a pregnant gazelle. You would wrap your hands around me and I would take advantage of that opportunity and attack you. I would win this round! I always won the last and first round; in your words," as I should." 

It's 12:36 am. If our world was still the same, ad be the one who would be sleepy ,despite me calling you the sleepy head,. You'd tuck me in closer to your body and I would oblige. I would put one arm an your chest and one leg on top of yours. My face next to yours and your hands stroking my hair. It used to make me fall asleep faster. I would sometimes face the consequences of watching bloody shows by waking up shaking in the middle of the night, but you would be there.  To tell me that it's okay. To remind me that it was just a nightmare. To tell me to breathe. To remind me to drink water. To make me feel your love and know that I am not alone.

It's 12.49 am and I have no ounce of sleep. I wanna say it's coz my bed is twice as big but we all know I love a big bed, I wanna say it's coz I had a relaxed day but we both know I am not very good at being idle. I wanna say it's coz I drank coffee but it's been two days and also coffee doesn't work on me. I know why, coz the bed is not warm enough but it's a one-person bed; it can never be warm enough. It's because I was used to sleeping in your arms where it was safe, and I was unburdened as a piece of dandelion fluff and you were the wind that stirred me about the world.

I miss that. I miss covering you when you sleep and then you pulling me close after that. I miss you squeezing my hands just because.  I miss cooking sunday morning pancakes and you coming to stand over my shoulder and watching me cook. I miss how you'd spank me while walking away after I got "bored" of being watched. I miss eating the food you cooked for me. I miss competing with you over literally everything. I miss you interrupting my reading in the name of "let's practice what you have read".  I miss watching you play with Gracie when I needed “me” time. I miss taking random photos of you. I miss the excitement in your voice when I got you gifts. I miss the glee in your eyes when I came home early. I miss how you'd complain how glee music wasn't original but still watch me sing along and dance with a smile plastered on your face. I miss binge watching with you. I miss teasing you about "the office" jokes. I miss doing laundry with you. I miss going grocery shopping with you. Ps, I still insist you don't know how to pick Avocados but you are damn good at tomatoes. I miss walking and running with you in the morning. I miss how you'd stop halfway just to take a photo of me coz the sun was hitting all the right spots. I miss the yellow flowers you always kept on my head. I miss the sticky notes all over the house. I miss the massages after my wednesdays. I miss our early morning conversations. I miss our idle mid-day talk. I miss our intense evening talks. I miss our warm-cuddly night talks. In the words of Avril, I am missing you and words can't explain, it’s just your touch, I wanna feel! Man! Btw, huwa unanijaza na furaha ya kipekee (unanibamba mbaya). I Quite Miss Home Love!

You know, whenever I held your hand whether we talked or we were in silence, I felt like I had become music and fire and water and day and night and there was nothing that could stop me . The music from me feeling your skin on mine became like a siren song! It's melody my lodestone and I was powerless against its lure. But I loved it! All I wanted was to be soaked in the music, to ride its speed and weave between its notes. I wanted to go all the way, and I did. I told every other guy in my life that it might be easy to love them, but easier to be their friend, but for you my Charm, it goes without saying, it is easier to love you and easy to be your friend. My life right now is a blur of color and sound; I hope you know you are the one tethering me to sanity.

It's 1.12 am and you have just woken up! Your text made me realize why I am not sleeping yet; it’s because sleep is meaningless if I am not sleeping next to you, so it’s better to stay awake talking to you than sleeping by myself on a bed we haven't broken yet.

Ps;I wanna let you know;  I will love you until I am a whisper of darkness between the stars.

By Favor Khaoya