Jolene

 

“Ssshhh; she is the one” Two women whispered while glancing at me sideways. Should it be considered a whisper if I heard them? Or saw the way they rolled their eyes up and down while looking at me? Or the way they fanned themselves faster while they passed me as if the very air I was breathing was contaminated!

What did I do to deserve this? Is falling in love such a crime? Maybe I should not have listened to Luther Ingram when he said, “if loving you was wrong, I don’t want to be right!” Or maybe, just maybe, I should have waited to be born in the 21^st century where Nico and Vitz, will help me “ask am I wrong” and everyone would understand why I am not wrong. At least, not for loving!

You know, when I left the house, all I wanted was to do was get some fruits! But here I was at the market, everyone looking at me like I had a plague on my face! All my usual fruit vendors are unwilling to sell to me! What kind of businessperson refuses money? Is this why many of their businesses were failing? For the few who let me pick out fruits from their stalls, they would throw the rest of the fruit out that I touched! Am I leprosy reincarnated or something?

I don’t blame! I really don’t! I don’t even blame her! I Blame him!

I BLAME HIM FOR MEETING ME!

I BLAME HIM FOR OPENING THAT DOOR FOR ME!

I BLAME HIM FOR SITTING DOWN NEXT TO ME!

I BLAME HIM FOR LOOKING AT ME A LITTLE TOO LONG!

I BLAME HIM FOR DROPING HIS GAZE TO MY LIPS!

I BLAME HIM FOR COMPLEMENTING MY EYES!

I BLAME HIM FOR ASKING ME TO STAY A LITTLE LONGER!

I BLAME HIM FOR BUYING AN EXTRA DRINK!

I BLAME HIM FOR BEING A WITTY CONVERSATIONALIST!

I BLAME HIM FOR CHARMING ME!

I BLAME HIM FOR NOT HAVING A RING ON!

I am not a wayward girl! I am a child who would make any father proud to call a daughter and a woman men would go to war for to call a wife. Yet here I was, being the black sheep of the town!

“Watch where you are going beautiful, you will hurt yourself” I looked up and there he was, holding me from falling down on that step. The whole six feet of him, hair combed out, body smelling like nectar of the gods dipped in honey, shea butter and warm sugar. It was intoxicating and ambrosial! His huge hands holding me in a way that made me feel like I had been locked out of heaven all those years I was not with him. His beautiful brown eyes filled with a hunger, I knew only I, could quench.

“You’d think after all these years staying in this house you would know the steps.” He said. His voice jotted me back to reality! A reality where I found out that he was not truly mine! I reality where I was the talk of the town and he was the reason!

“You’d think after what your wife sang, you would know better than showing up on my doorsteps.”

“I’d always show up on your doorstep Jolene!”

“Why?”

“Coz, I love you! Isn’t it obvious?”

“No, it is not! If you love me, you would not be letting me go through all this!”

“What would you have rather I do? Get a divorce? Walk away from my wife?”

“You said you were not happy! You said you were going to get a divorce! You said I will not be your little secret forever!”

“You are not my little secret now, are you?”

“No, I am not! But not by your design! And I got exposed in the worst conceivable way! Everyone treats me like a contagious virus! Everyone who passes me fans the air, every fruit I touch is thrown away, the milkwoman would not even allow her husband to sell me milk! Tell me what kind of life is this? To be unwanted and ridiculed!”

“You are not unwanted! I want you! I need you! I crave for you! I cannot live without you!”

“Of course you can!”

“NO, I CANNOT! My first thought in the morning is your flaming locks of auburn hair! My last thought of the day is your ivory skin and eyes of emerald green. When I am sad, I think of your smile which is like a breath of spring. And when that does not work, I come running across town just to hear your voice, which is soft like summer rain. For God’s sake Jolene! I call your name in my sleep.”

“YOU! YOU…YOU TOLD HER THAT!”

“I did not mean to tell her!”

“What do you mean you did not mean to tell her?

“She heard me call your name in my sleep several times! She confronted me and asked about you! I tried to lie, Jolene! I really tried to! But I couldn't! I cannot hide what I feel for you. It is like a fire that consumes me faster than a dragon’s fire while giving its master the dragon riders death!”

“That was cruel! You do not do that to someone you care about! You don’t that to your wife! For fucks sake you love her too, don’t you?”

“Love?”

“Yes, love”

“A normal human being couldn't live in the same house with her without going nutty!”

“You haven’t answered my question!”

“I am a little screwy.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I would go to war for her Jolene and that is it. But for you Jolene, I will go to war, I will outrun every bomb thrown and lay lower than any bullet shot. All so I can survive the war and come back to you.”

“What are you saying to me right now?”

“I am saying I am sorry that this happened! I am sorry that your reputation has been tarnished and your place in society has crumbled. I am sorry that your home is a war zone now and your friends are throwing missiles at you. I am sorry that everything you loved and risked for has brought you such pain. It is a pain I cannot claim to understand or insinuate I can ever take away! But if you give me a chance, I am willing to walk away from her, from all my estates and position in society, from everything that is familiar and safe and do life with you. I am willing to move down the coast and walk by the beach every evening even though I hate the feeling of sand on my feet if I get to do it with you! “

“But your wi…”

“Jolene, I know you are worried about my wife, she said her happiness depends on you. I know you think by sending me back to her you will help her be happy. But you are wrong Jolene. I won’t be happy with her, and I will walk away which will hurt her because I will still think of you, I will still crave you, I will still need you. Jolene, that era of my life is over! I did right by her this morning when I ended things. I am starting over Jolene, this time for sure! I would love to start over with you! So, if you are ready, you know where to find me………

 

By Favor Khaoya

Song Credits; Dolly Parton, Luther Ingram, Nico and Vitz

Photo Credits Jonathan Borba, Anter Emmanuel, Vldamir Kolonkev, Mytenzy