Favorkhaoya

To the boy on my mind  Today I chanted a prayer for you.Not because I wanted you but damnit coz I needed you ; spending the entire night conjuring scenes on my mind about what might happen in our next meeting was a good validation of that fact. You were my first thought in the morning.Good gracious! Am I becoming one of those girls who are so drawn to a guy that all they do is think about them ? It is difficult to draw the line between the random night thoughts and a quick memory of you as I draw my curtains.I think about what you would say to me if you were there as the bright sun rays filtered into the room. Oh my prayer; I  felt a little guilty talking to God about you .I hope  he does not judge me because of my guilty pleasures; I mean they are more ecstatic, lead to good stories and  a happy ending right? God would understand me wanting to be happy ( this totally sounds like self consolation, but who cares ). I bet I did make God laugh with my fantasy and energy...

Forgive me Mheshimiwa if I do not flaunt my smile at your shreds of tenderness.  Take no offense if I do not feel an ounce of gratitude in my heart towards your generous contribution this festive season .My hands are folded to my chest as I watch my country men clapping for you for bringing us a packet of wheat four and a litre of cooking oil. I find it absurd that you made us sit and wait for you all day . We would have gone to our farms and businesses, but we waited for you, mheshimiwa .Today,you gave us thirty minutes of your precious time .My heart breaks at the irony of this. Have we been reduced to be  barely worth half an hour and a few fifty shillings coins? How bad is the situation on the ground ,such that fify shillings is life saving cash ? Do you not think you are creating a ticking time Bomb for yourself. Mheshimiwa ,head fast to the city ,leave the village that voted you. Mheshimiwa ,you Come with your own  bottled water to the meeting .You remind your count...

THE ONE THAT SHOULD’NT HAVE STAYED Boy, I know the story. I didn’t have to see pictures nor scroll through the messages. I lived it; I saw it coming. Damnit I even read the signs but you know what they say, when you are in love, the red flags look green and the oceans of mistakes looks like streams of cracks. It started that sunny afternoon in May, the last day of your visit. As I lay on your chest all I could think is how we were a life time and not a fleeting moment and my heart felt like it was made of liquid sunsets. I remembered how you asked me to drop down my dress because everyone was staring at my thighs and how you grabbed my ass when that guy at the bus station couldn’t stop gawking at me. I found the jealousy charming; I mean who doesn’t like to feel owned? Like they belong to someone who wants them all to themselves? This flash back is weighing heavily on my heart. I remember how excited you were when we visited the booth of the kapenguria six.The glow in your eyes and th...

Okay!! I must admit that it hurts. Not because you got away, I mean that does cause my heart to churn into knots every second of the day. But majorly because you were an almost. Almost! Damn I hate that word but not as much as I hate what happened to us. We held failed potential just like the damned word almost! You know how my favorite poet always said "almost represents the ability to be just not good enough. It shows we have come to the brink of something beautiful, but fell short too many times we crafted a word for it”. Just like you and I were at the brink of something beautiful but we couldn’t quite reach it, we fell too far and we weren’t there to catch each other. My mother used to tell me that, if a guy loved me, I would know. If he did not  I would be confused. With you I never doubted, with you I never second guessed, with you I never questioned, with you insecurity wasn’t my portion. Not because you said you loved me, but because you spent most of the time showing me ...

I had a bad day today. I knew a call from you would fix that, That's why hours on end on days like this  I look at my phone with anticipation  I know it's not so much  But It would have felt like once more , A million little shining starts had aligned And I would have be so happy But the call never came  And it took everything in me not to call you I have wanted to call for a while now,  Not to tell you I miss you But my body and spirit know I do They remind me so when the night gets quite eerily  I remember that I can't call you like I used to , But i want to hear your voice  The voice that calmed my storms and awakened my butterflies And it took everything in me not to call you  The thought of you and I is something we have both left in the past, But I wanna take the shovel and dig you back up  To tell you Adele's "someone like you" is my new favorite song. Maybe that way you will understand that for me it's not over  And i...

 I wonder what you are trying to achieve , The random poignant texts of apologies. You say you are sorry for what you did , Buy hey you ,allow me to ask , When you say you're sorry for breaking my heart , What am I supposed to forgive you for?  .Breaking my heart or the whole life of perfection shattered. It only paints me as a monster for not accepting it as reason enough, Sorry does not fix a broken heart So even when you say you're sorry  Sorry for breaking your promises , And your words make a scene in my inbox , I can't go back to the time you made me happy for a while , The memories mean nothing when I know you do not think of me as I do you , Here is the thing, you broke your promises and broke my heart, the memories just serve as a reminder that break me  Sorry doesn't fix a broken heart For all the nights I cried myself to sleep Tried so hard to be a live a day after another. For all the mornings I picked myself up after a sleepless night For al...

 DAY 90 It's day 90 They say you see progress after 90 days  Be it working out or healing a broken heart But I can still feel the overwhelming consuming pain It's day 90, why do I feel like it's been 9 years progressing at rate 0?  I was scrolling through my phone , I met the quote "We are captives of our own identities, living in prisons of our own creation ." It reminded me of you  It was the first intimate conversation we had  It's day 90, why do I still remember our first conversation?? Funny,it was part of our last conversation You said your life was complicated  I knew you were about to break me when you said you never intended to hurt me , Because you did not mean to break my heart , Doesn't mean I don't feel the pain of my soul crashing The weight of my whole being bowing with burden For 90 days ,I have thought , About the complication you created and called your life. And worse,how you dragged me into it  It's day 90, why am I ...