Favorkhaoya

    First, Arrrrrgghhhhh!!!! Second; Why does it feel like your heart dies when you grow up? Third; Everything sucks, JUST KIDDING! Everything is great! Why don’t psychological tricks work on me? I can swear I have heard my best friend, Nikita “manifest” over a hundred times and it all comes to happen; don’t get me started on the number of times her moods change in a matter of seconds. I am convinced she has a brain switch! How else would you explain someone being sad and hurt one minute and then over the top the next? But I am not her; I never will be. My mind lingers on that thought more than it should. At that moment, it all becomes real and I experience sadness so excruciating it makes it hard to want to live beyond it. I tell myself I am okay because I need to know that I am. I tell myself I am okay again. I keep saying it, more times than I have ever said it out loud. Every time I say it, I am hit by a wave of relief and a tornado of sadness. I feel like I am p...

  Amber “Till death do us part! Who the fuck came up with such a clause!” I thought to myself while resisting the urge to throw the bottle of whiskey to the wall. Yes, whiskey! In a span of two weeks, I had graduated from a wine drinker in fancy flutes and coupes to a whiskey guzzler. I wasn’t even wincing while draining the content of the bottles. I was convinced that my solace would be found at the bottom of that bottle. But how wrong I was. It was finally that time when everyone who came to mourn with me had left. I was forlorn and lost; waiting for the healing touch of good memories, love, and laughter to return to me with the breath of life. However, two weeks later, none of that seemed possible. I was still feeling stuck and trapped in my thoughts. My thoughts are a dreadful place; a very dreadful place. They all take me back to that moment; the moment Sara, our family doctor called to tell me they had gotten a kidney for Matthew; my husband, and that it was a match. I was el...

Mama You are a special case, Beautiful flower vase Faith with a base, Stiletto in a room full of flats  Leaving imprints whenever you walk in. Mama, Your bark is harder than the bite, Enough to make me right my wrong Stopping at a loss ain't you, Changing the game plan defines you Reasons why the crown fits you perfectly. Mama I stumble and fall, Shake with overload of shock. Bruise my heart, soul and body, Walk in darkest of paths, Too worn to step on. Like magic you appear, Bright as the shining sun, Your rays make graphics, Piece by piece you stitch me, Word by word, reassure me Touch by touch heal me. Without you,what would I do? You are the centre piece of my art gallery, Enclosing you in glassware, I won't For those with taste in fine art to touch and feel you. So they know what a good mum is made of. ~Favor Khaoya  

Heavy breathing! Stars! Ears ringing! Legs shaking! White light! Pure bliss. If this is what gets me locked out of heaven, then hell is a good compromise. I was swimming in this ocean of contentment when I slowly opened my eyes . The first bits of light were blinding but I slowly got accustomed to it . I noticed my surroundings; the California king size bed, the grey wall paint, the musk smell of Glade air spray and the photo on the wall; Steve and I.  Then it hit me what I had come to do . Thank God I had two minutes of happy post nut clarity before this dampening one. Steve was my childhood sweetheart. The perfect love at 18 and somehow at 25, he still fit like a puzzle piece; well when he wanted to that is  . Yet , I was about to do the one thing I never thought I would do . He was my first and only, my sun rose and set at his feet. But you know what they say, no matter how long the sun shines, the moon must own the sky too or something like that . It was time our sky b...

You know the saying, "when I grow up, I want to be…." It is always cupped with ridiculous dreams that we somehow believe we could achieve. That keeps us going; funny how achievement and hope rank top of the list of motivation factors. Even though sometimes, it is just chasing the wind. So, what happens when you get what you want, rather what you wanted, and somehow, it's not good enough? Never meet your heroes they say. After two years, that is how I felt. Like there wasn’t gold in the river, that I had been washing my hands in forever. Don’t get me wrong, not monetary gold, that did not matter to me as I was volunteering. The passion that run through my veins and the enthusiasm that fueled me seemed to drain. I no longer felt like fighting the good fight. I mean, a battle is fought by more than one person, right? So, what was the use of fighting it alone? Or rather, feeling like I am fighting it alone.? I know there is hope in these waters. Hope to save a life or m...