HELLO

 


HELLO

Hello, it's me. The girl who let you get away. The one who promised to stay but didn’t and is now drowned in a plague of regret.I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet; to go over everything. They say that time's supposed to heal ya, but I ain't done much healing. Has it to you? Or is the void still there? Wrapped in shiny colors and pigments of happiness that plumbent to emptiness when you are alone at 3am? Hello, can you hear me?

I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be when we were younger and free. How every decision was based on flipping a coin and “yes” was our favorite word. When it was you and I against the world even when they batted eyes at us like they did to Bonnie and Clyde. We were each other’s ride or die and we spent every waking moment proving that. Do you remember the movie nights that extended to days and we only left because we run out of food? Or the days we cancelled on our friends just so we could sit in, cuddle and tickle while laughing our hearts out? I miss those days. I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet. Before the bills and the wills, before the friends and the frenemies, before the life happened. There's such a difference between us and a million miles.

Hello from the other side, I must've called a thousand times. To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done. For breaking my promises, for letting you slip out of my hands like jelly fish, for not fighting for us, for not coming back sooner. But when I call, you never seem to be home. Where are you? Or are you just ignoring me? You are driving me nuts! Please pick up the phone. I need to tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I need you to hear it from me and not from the million post cards and letters I have sent. I need you to see it with the ink dripping on my face from my eyes and not the smudges of ink on paper. I need you to look straight into my eyes, maybe then you will see how much it is tearing me apart. Maybe then you would understand why I am calling so much. You still aren’t picking up! At least I can say that I've tried

Hello, how are you? I am great. I just got back to town. I finished my master’s degree and I am currently working at scarlet magazine just like I hoped. The people are nice, but there is this one guy Phillip! Gosh! He is an embodiment of suffocating, infuriating and annoying. You know, before I left to come over…Oh damn! It's so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry. I hope that you're well.

Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened? Or did you find a way to make things happen there? You always had a knack for pioneering and set the bar high while at it. That would explain how you made a rebel of a careless man careful daughter. I know I did not admit it as much as I should have, but at this point, I have realized that you are the best thing that has ever been mine. With each passing day, I want to go back to how things were when we were younger and free. However, we are growing older, and it's no secret that the both of us are running out of time

So, hello from the other side, I must've called a thousand times. To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done. To tell you I finally own up to my mistakes. I should never have skipped town. I should never gave gone to the next best thing when things got hard because we were far from each other. I should have kept my promise. I should have come back home to you sooner. I should have taken the opportunities that presented themselves. I should have wrapped my arms around you when the nights were cold. I should have fought with you instead of giving you space, maybe then I wouldn’t have fueled resentment. I should have understood that love is hard. REALLY HARD. That it needs more than commitment. It needed me putting in the work. I should have known us growing up would change the dynamics of our relationship and I should have changed and adopted like you did. But I was a dimwit who let the greatest love of her life go just because she was childish and with a fixed mindset. But when I call, you never seem to be home. Maybe the rumors are true, you moved on. You found your personal person. And I am stuck here trying to tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart. But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore.

By Favor Khaoya

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