SOMEONE LIKE YOU

 

SOMEONE LIKE YOU

I stood there mesmerized. For a person who travelled three hundred miles and eight towns to get there, I really didn’t know what I was signing my self up for. I mean I do! I did! but then , at that moment, heaven seemed to cloud my tongue and judgement. I had no choice but to stand there bewildered. It isn’t my fault that after a year, he looks like a Greek god. I would gladly worship at his temple , pouring libations and chanting incantations to his ears whenever an opportunity presented itself. It really is unfair when an ex glows up after a breakup! Couldn’t you be this divine when you were mine ?

“What are the odds?” Greg said

“Hello to you too.” I responded.

“Come here.” He said while tugging me in for a hug. I felt like a part of me sprang back to life . A part that wanted to stay alive more than anything. A part of me that only he could lock and unlock ! It’s absurd how much power he still holds over me . Three minutes later, I was still engulfed in his arms and wrapped in thoughts of what could be . I didn’t want to let go, hell I never wanted to let go in the first place.

“ You look great.” He said

“ Not as great as you do! Do you bathe in oil and sleep at a sculptor’s ?” I said while looking at his evenly toned body . The tight white V-neck t-shirt he was wearing was doing nothing to hide his abs and the shorts clearly showed he never missed leg day . As soon as I say this, his eyes crinkle a little at the corners. It’s barely a smile, but it causes a wave to tumble down my chest.

“ If only I knew one, I would gladly settle down with them and avoid the gym all the same .”

“I heard that you’re settled down” I finally let the cat out of the bag. I was hoping I won’t have to have this conversation. At least not at his door step. I watch as he swallows what look like nervous thoughts.

“Would you like to come in?” He said with his usual calm and composed voice . However, it had a tone of concern to it .

I followed him inside his house. It was everything he dreamed of as a kid! Grey couches , white tiles , the Mona Lisa as a center piece just above the 65 inch TV that had a gaming console under it , gratitude jars and “OMG! You kept it!” I said

“I told you I would keep it forever.”

Right on top of his fridge, was a magnet I gave him when we broke up. It said “everything is great where you are .” I wasn’t lying ! The air is cooler , the birds are chirper , stresses are obstacles and hugs are keys to happiness. I miss days when I had all those at my disposal. Days he was mine and would gladly give me all that.  Then my eyes landed on the picture next to my magnet. Right there I saw it and my suspicion or rather rumors I heard were confirmed . He found a girl and was married now. His dreams came true. The vacation pictures him in the beach with a pregnant lady were beautiful yet heartbreaking to me. I guess she gave him things, I didn’t give to him . A family, a home and a life . I respect and despise her for that .

“Hey Greg,” I said while turning to face him, “I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited, but I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it. I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded that for me, it isn’t over.”

“What are you trying to say Lisa?”

“ It clearly doesn’t matter , it’s too late .”

“Why would you say that?”

“ I have seen the pictures and heard the stories .” I said. My heart was breaking  but it took all my strength not to show it or sound like it . Greg’s face dropped . Oh Greg! Why are you so shy? Ain’t like you to hold back or hide from the light! Why don’t you just tell me once and for all. I need to hear it from you so that I can learn to forget about you and nullify all the begging you begged for me not to forget you. I hate how much I keep promises.

“Lisa, sometimes it lasts in love,” He said

“Sometimes it hurts instead . “ I interrupted.

A cold breeze engulfed us. We were both looking at each other . Afraid of whatever we would say next . What it would mean  what it would do to us . I mean , there was no us anymore, but there was always an us before the “US” and even after the “US” at this point, we were risking loosing that.  You know how lucky it is to find your best of friends in a lover ? One who remains so even when they are done being your lover ? He was that to me. An anchor, a island in a massive ocean and a nightingale to my song . Our break up wasn’t messy. We both agreed it was the best thing to do as we weren’t in the same stage in life. He wanted a kid and a family, I wanted financial stability and a career before thinking about kids. We agreed that if we meet in one year after my further studies and he is still single, we would make things work . Then I would be ready. However, if he would have moved on, then my loss. I held on to the hope that he wouldn’t have moved on, but deep down, I knew someone else would see the amount of awesomeness that drips out of him and would snatch him as soon as the opportunity arises. When I first heard the rumors, I didn’t believe it . Especially because he hadn’t told me. For 15 years, Greg had told me graphic details about the girls he dated or wanted even though he always had a crush on me and I knew, so I assumed he would still tell me . But now standing here with hard proof that he had moved on without telling me was breaking my heart into so many pieces.

“ I am sorry Lisa. I didn’t know how to tell you .”

“ I am not sure I understand why. You have always told me about this kind of thing and we have been talking all this while . I was hoping it would be possible for us to pick up things from where we left them. I didn’t know about this.”

“That was before you became my girl and my world revolved around you . That was before you left and made me feel like a fall back plan. I never wanted to be your  plan-B especially because you have always been my plan-A”

“You have never been that to me Greg! You are and have always been the man of my dreams .”

“Well, it’s unfortunate that I can’t be that no more .”

“I understand.” I said with conviction and understanding that I had lost the greatest love of my life. The kind of love that comes once in a life time . If I thought my heart was breaking earlier, I don’t know how to explain what I was feeling at that moment. My stomach was turning, I felt a choking sensation in my gut and my chest was so full of a feeling I couldn’t explain. I couldn’t help but whisper to my inner child ,

“Never mind, I’ll find someone like him”

Someone who I will be willing to stay, come back to , elope and build with . Someone who felt like  biggest wave I would  ever come across. And brought so much with him that his impressions would always be there, even when the tide rolled out. Someone like Greg .

“I wish nothing but the best for you” I told him with the most genuine smile I could gather at that moment.

“ You gat this snowball.” He replied while kissing my neck . The one place he’d kissed so much I had crowned it his zone. You know how the time flies, Only yesterday was the time of our lives and that was his territory. The excitement that run inside my body was without compare. But so was the distress upon realizing this might be the last time he does that.

Wait, he called me snowball. We were born and raised in a summer haze. Bound by the surprise of our glory days but I was his always his snowball; winter love . A different kind of happy, a unique kind of beautiful, his personal person. What we had was a kind of love that you see in movie screens and books .Nothing compares to it . We had  no worries or cares. The regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made . Memories we would cherish forever .

He showed me to the door and hugged me goodbye . I walked to my car slowly because I felt so fragile and weak in the knees . I was afraid if I stepped a little too hard, my legs would break with my heart . I waved goodbye with the fakest-genuine smile I could master and turned the ignition key. Two blocks later, I couldn’t pretend I anymore . I packed the car and broke down. One year ago when we broke up, I  didn’t cry. I didn’t feel the hurt this much as I was certain what we had and  the kind of connection we had forged was so strong that even the fires of hell couldn’t sever. But now! I understand why there is a crying stone somewhere in Kenya! Nothing is that strong ! I thought I could handle this ,but who would have known how bittersweet this would taste? This was a one-year prolonged break-up! It hurt more than the actual break-up. I wish someday, I would get someone like him, a wave that would trickle in with the tide that would bring things deep from the ocean and awaken the kind of feelings he awakened in me . A wave that would stay. A wave of someone like him , someone like you, Greg. 

By Favor Khaoya 

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