ROLLING IN THE DEEP

 

ROLLING IN THE DEEP

“Okay. Get out! “

“Can we talk? Could you listen to my side of the story please?”

“Why should I ?”

“For old time-sakes; for us”

“Ha! Old times-sakes; us! Baby, Oh pardon me, INTRUDER! I have no story to be told but I've heard one on you, now I'm gonna make your head burn. No explanation from your floodgate of lies is going to make you win me over . Why should you? When you let me slip out of your fingers like glass on wet hands. I broke! YOU BROKE ME! You do not deserve an ounce of my forgiveness and no amount of penance is going to fix the damage you caused.  Think of me in the depths of your despair. Make a home down there, as mine sure won't be shared with you. Never again! Am I understood?” I said while slamming the door to his face.

 I did not care to hear if he understood me or not. I doubt he has ever done that anyway. But at that moment, I needed a minute. A minute to catch my breath. A minute to lower my amour. A minute to make my emotions visible. A minute to be the broken -hearted girl. A minute to feel everything! The hot tears down my cheeks, the knots of betrayal churning in my stomach, the burning sensation of a heartbreak on my chest, the throbbing of my head and the weakness on my knees. I was writhing on that floor  and my  tears were  finding their way to my carpet. I realized that there was a fire starting in my heart. Reaching a fever pitch. It was bringing me out the dark. Finally, I can see you crystal clear; you were nothing but a manipulative, conniving bastard who broke my heart and abandoned me when I needed you the most. So much for promising to do life with me for better for worse. Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare.

Yes Mike! I will tell the whole world. Literally anyone who cares to hear how We could've had it all! The house, the car, the kids , the businesses , the insurance; the ideal marriage .How all this were at our grasp and you had to take it all away; for a few minutes of pleasure! Was it worth it Mike? WAS IT??? I swear, one more step into my life, one tiny step to intrude again and you're gonna wish you never had met me! If you thought you had hit rock bottom, I will show you that you can go lower. You will end up rolling in the deep with no one to save you . Tears are gonna fall and  I'll leave with every piece of you. Don't underestimate the things that I will do to heal from the scars of your love.

You showing up at my doorstep after five years is one thing. You demanding to be a part of my child’s life is another thing! Where were you 5 years ago when he had bouts of colic and cried all night long? Where were you when I was having postpartum depression and almost ended my life and his? Where were you when he cried and I cried because he cried and he couldn’t stop crying because I was crying? Where were you when I realized I was no longer a twenty five year old pregnant girl; but a twenty five year old mother ? WHERE WERE YOU?

Oh wait I know! IN HER ARMS! Tell me Mike, why did you come to get me from the village? Why did you promise my parents that you could take care of me? Why did you tell them that I would be safe in your arms? Why did you guarantee them I was the woman for you and no one else. You even quoted the bible you bastard! They believed you. I BELIEVED YOU! For two years I had to grow up from being a child to being a wife . I was everything my mother and grandmother taught me to become. I even helped grow your businesses. You honestly think if I wasn’t for my early mornings and late nights your supermarket would have survived? If I had not fostered good relationships where would you have gotten partners ? Or suppliers? Or customer loyalty. Even You know how terrible you were with people. Growth in your businesses were attributed to me. TO ME MIKE! I gave your work my all just as much as I gave you my all. You had my heart inside ff your hands and you played it to the beat and for what? A few seconds of pleasure? Was it worth it Mike? WAS IT WORTH IT?

The scars of your love they leave me breathless. Just like the day I told you I was pregnant and you slapped me. Coming to think of it, why did you do that? What did you think happens when people have unprotected sex over and over? It might have taken two years but it was bound to catch up with us.

Breathless like the day I woke up to you parking your bags and telling me you are leaving. “I can’t stay with a harlot who got herself pregnant” Those were your words! OH MIKE! I know you know you broke my virginity! So how am I harlot? Is it because I had some crazy moves in bed? Son of Adam! I SPENT SO MUCH TIME WATCHING PORN BECAUSE YOU SAID I AM THE MOST BROING GIRL YOU HAVE HAD ON YOUR FREAKING BED! How is it my mistake to try making you satisfied? And you say I got myself pregnant? Do you even know biology? AAAARRGGGHHHH! How did I even get married to you?

Breathless like the day I walked into work and I am told you said I should not be let in. I walked back home and watch you ordering furniture to be removed from our house. I hadn’t seen you in a month and then that? Honestly Mike, what had gotten into you? Do you remember what happened when I confronted you? Let me refresh your memory you aggressive bastard! You spun me around and forced yourself onto me. SON OF ADAM! I WASN’T TRYING TO FIGHT SO WE MAKE UP! I was fighting for my house. And that’s not the most disgusting part of the odeal! When you were done you hit my face on the wall and walked away.

You were so rough I started having abdominal pains. I went to the antenatal clinic and was admitted for two days. My baby was at risk. As if that wasn’t enough; I found out I was HIV-Positive. Just how much can you ruin a person’s life? Do you know how hard giving birth was? Or not breastfeeding my child because of fear that I will infect him? Or staying alone after a cesarean section? Or being a broke mum and building my life all the way up again?

So, NO MIKE! You cannot see my child! You cannot be in his life or mine. I turned your sorrow into my treasured gold . And I intend to pay you back in kind and reap just what you've sown if you come close again. You're gonna wish you never had met me! Everyone; family, friends , ex and potential partners and the internet will know you are a manipulative, conniving bastard who took everything from his new family, abandoned them, rejected them for a fifty shillings sex worker down at Koinange street whom he brought home and stole everything from him and defrauded his businesses.

 Oh Yes Mike I know! You came back coz you are broke and homeless! NO! I am not helping you; ROLL IN THE DEEP BASTARD.

 By Favor Khaoya 

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