Favorkhaoya

Heavy breathing! Stars! Ears ringing! Legs shaking! White light! Pure bliss. If this is what gets me locked out of heaven, then hell is a good compromise. I was swimming in this ocean of contentment when I slowly opened my eyes . The first bits of light were blinding but I slowly got accustomed to it . I noticed my surroundings; the California king size bed, the grey wall paint, the musk smell of Glade air spray and the photo on the wall; Steve and I.  Then it hit me what I had come to do . Thank God I had two minutes of happy post nut clarity before this dampening one. Steve was my childhood sweetheart. The perfect love at 18 and somehow at 25, he still fit like a puzzle piece; well when he wanted to that is  . Yet , I was about to do the one thing I never thought I would do . He was my first and only, my sun rose and set at his feet. But you know what they say, no matter how long the sun shines, the moon must own the sky too or something like that . It was time our sky b...

You know the saying, "when I grow up, I want to be…." It is always cupped with ridiculous dreams that we somehow believe we could achieve. That keeps us going; funny how achievement and hope rank top of the list of motivation factors. Even though sometimes, it is just chasing the wind. So, what happens when you get what you want, rather what you wanted, and somehow, it's not good enough? Never meet your heroes they say. After two years, that is how I felt. Like there wasn’t gold in the river, that I had been washing my hands in forever. Don’t get me wrong, not monetary gold, that did not matter to me as I was volunteering. The passion that run through my veins and the enthusiasm that fueled me seemed to drain. I no longer felt like fighting the good fight. I mean, a battle is fought by more than one person, right? So, what was the use of fighting it alone? Or rather, feeling like I am fighting it alone.? I know there is hope in these waters. Hope to save a life or m...

  SOMEONE LIKE YOU I stood there mesmerized. For a person who travelled three hundred miles and eight towns to get there, I really didn’t know what I was signing my self up for. I mean I do! I did! but then , at that moment, heaven seemed to cloud my tongue and judgement. I had no choice but to stand there bewildered. It isn’t my fault that after a year, he looks like a Greek god. I would gladly worship at his temple , pouring libations and chanting incantations to his ears whenever an opportunity presented itself. It really is unfair when an ex glows up after a breakup! Couldn’t you be this divine when you were mine ? “What are the odds?” Greg said “Hello to you too.” I responded. “Come here.” He said while tugging me in for a hug. I felt like a part of me sprang back to life . A part that wanted to stay alive more than anything. A part of me that only he could lock and unlock ! It’s absurd how much power he still holds over me . Three minutes later, I was still engulfed i...

  ROLLING IN THE DEEP “Okay. Get out! “ “Can we talk? Could you listen to my side of the story please?” “Why should I ?” “For old time-sakes; for us” “Ha! Old times-sakes; us! Baby,  Oh pardon me, INTRUDER! I have no story to be told but I've heard one on you, now I'm gonna make your head burn. No explanation from your floodgate of lies is going to make you win me over . Why should you? When you let me slip out of your fingers like glass on wet hands. I broke! YOU BROKE ME! You do not deserve an ounce of my forgiveness and no amount of penance is going to fix the damage you caused .  Think of me in the depths of your despair. Make a home down there, as mine sure won't be shared with you. Never again! Am I understood?” I said while slamming the door to his face.  I did not care to hear if he understood me or not. I doubt he has ever done that anyway. But at that moment, I needed a minute. A minute to catch my breath. A minute to lower my amour. A minute ...

  HELLO Hello, it's me. The girl who let you get away. The one who promised to stay but didn’t and is now drowned in a plague of regret. I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet; to go over everything. They say that time's supposed to heal ya, but I ain't done much healing . Has it to you? Or is the void still there? Wrapped in shiny colors and pigments of happiness that plumbent to emptiness when you are alone at 3am? Hello, can you hear me? I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be when we were younger and free . How every decision was based on flipping a coin and “yes” was our favorite word. When it was you and I against the world even when they batted eyes at us like they did to Bonnie and Clyde. We were each other’s ride or die and we spent every waking moment proving that. Do you remember the movie nights that extended to days and we only left because we run out of food? Or the days we cancelled on our friends just so we could si...

  SEND MY LOVE. Oh Damn! Oh damn! Oh damn! Those are three oh damns! I mean, am I excited about the whole thing? Hell no. Am I slightly impressed about it? Absolutely. Who wouldn’t? Let us be honest here, how many times do you say, “it is not you, its me.” While breaking up? First, I think that line is cliché and people should come up with exciting ways of breaking up. You know, for instance take someone to the gym and say we can’t work out. If she/he isn’t smart enough for that, maybe tell them “Hey babe, it’s time to take our relationship to the previous level.” My personal favorite must be, “I will always cherish my initial misconceptions about you.” But hey, that’s as mean as telling someone to remove L in Lover; it rips the band aid fast and smooth. Isn’t that what we all want? WROOOOOOOOOOOONGGG! It still hurts when the band aid is ripped out; whether it is sugar coated in “it’s not you, its me “ or wrapped in movie references like “we need to cover more ground so we should...

I WANT TO WRITE  I want to write about you About how you make feel like I am in heaven About how that makes me feel like I’d been locked out of heaven About how this is the only heaven I will be sent to But somehow; I can’t fathom how to do that. Maybe it’s because words for it haven’t been invented yet. I want to write to you, Tell you how you feel like home. Scratch that, how you are home. The Neo to my Trinity You are the Finn to my Racheal  The Chandler to my Monica Yet somehow, words escape me Maybe it’s because I won’t do them justice yet I want to write about you, About how you make me feel safe With you, saying “I am at Peace” is an understatement  And understood is a dominant emotion. Your plate has a side dish of contentment and tranquility which I gladly devour. You are my Mr. Serendipty Yet somehow, words are taking me for a wild goose hunt Maybe it’s because you were the treasure to be found. I want to write to you Tell you about that feeling  The one pe...

TWO TEARS IN A BUCKET Let us just say, I am not utterly ready for what I am about to write. But that’s okay, I got this. Oh wait, do I though? This is different, I feel different. It’s been different. It will always be different. I mean, how could it not when the one piece that was holding the whole set together has been removed? Well, nonetheless, I am okay. Oh wait, okay is one of those words people use to sparkle over a deeper truth. I swear I am not trying to splash glitter on a cypress tree and then call it a Christmas tree. I am okay because I am not ready for my truth. Truth! Now, isn’t that the most controversial word on earth? Let’s put aside sexuality and religion. Truth is a matter of perspective and if I am to be perfectly candid, very relative. Depending on where you are standing. That brings you to me. Well, that sounds wrong, but you get the point. My truth is; I am standing at the edge of a lake not knowing how thin the ice is and if I can cross over. That is my truth! ...

THAT POINT IN LIFE "Melophilia “is not a word you hear often unless of course you subscribe to the religion of music. Don’t worry, you are not the only one; and no! I am neither patronizing you nor offering paper thin consolation. You know, with all the high and mighty attitude I portray sometimes, I am part of the folk that didn’t know that word exists. All that ended when I read this article;  https://coffeethoughtslife. wordpress.com/2021/12/11/ local-man-discoveries-aging/  Which is also the inspiration of this article. Who knew music could get one so introspective? Do you remember the good old days? The ones that all you had to do is wake up and sing;” I wake up in the morning, I wash my face, I take a cup of tea, I brush my teeth and run to school.” Days where when you wake up you would find tea prepared and you won’t bother knowing who made the tea and what was even used. Days when all you had to worry about was assignment; which frankly, you could copy from...